I Know You
by Andorian Ice Princess-AIP
Summary: Mac you never really knew him. But you know me. Let me show you how well. Stella tries to help Mac work past his frustration after a tough case takes a personal toll. SMACKED fluffy One-Shot. Based on & some spoilers from eppy 6.12 Criminal Justice


**Title: I Know You**

**Summary:** Mac you never really knew him. But you know me. Let me show you how well. Stella tries to help Mac work past his frustration after a tough case takes a personal toll. SMACKED fluffy One-Shot. Based on & some spoilers from eppy 6.12 Criminal Justice

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Mac Taylor but I wish I did (course then I'd have no time for writing)! This is a piece of fan fiction. It is written for pleasure and not for profit. The characters of CSI New York and any other regular cast and supporting cast members all belong to CBS, Paramount & Jerry Bruckheimer and Anthony Zuiker. All other characters are my own. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental.

**A/N:** Yay new eppy's are finally back! And yes back to 2am updates! lol Okay so yes this eppy lacked any 'visible' SMACKED physical chemistry but it had a lot of 'established smackedness' so I thought we'd build a story around the broken trust and realtionshp that Mac lost with Craig. So more based on the eppy and has both SMACKED POV's in it. So a bit nervous about this one, but hopefully this makes sense and you all like it.

* * *

_'Craig Hansen, EX DA; EX Friend; Convicted murderer...'_ the words that started this day on it's terrible collision course.

I should have known that coming to Stella's office in this frame of mind would be a bad idea. Of course I couldn't fault her for doing her job; she had the evidence and she had to take action. I admire watching her in action; it truly is a thing of beauty. Her passion for justice is unequalled by anyone, except maybe myself. I state that selfishly only because I admire her so much. However, her doing her job today also let to me question things that I should just have left alone. Questioning a friend's motive; a friend I thought I knew; forcing me to look at him in a light I pray I'll never have to view a close friend in again. But today's events have also left me in a heated frame and now my beloved partner is bearing the brunt of my frustration.

"Damn it Stella!"

"It hurt me just as much as it hurt you Mac."

"He knew better. He served the law and..."

"In the end he only served himself."

_Oh maybe I should have just gone straight home_. And I was right. But as soon as she started to pry beneath my tattered shield, of course only wanting to help me, my anger started to surge and I feel myself sinking into a hole that has no bottom.

"What?" I ask in concern.

"I looked him in the eye and told him I didn't want to believe it! Trust me Mac, I am just as angry and pissed at him as you!"

"Stella..."

"Mac, he threatened me personally! And then facing that mother? You think today is any easier on me?"

"No...it's...you're right I'm...damn it, I'm sorry. Here I am spouting off about my own personal miseries and...you also have had the day from hell."

"But you need to vent Mac. You have known him longer so what else?"

"That's just it Stella, _I knew him!_"

"You didn't _know him_ Mac! You knew what he wanted you to know."

"I should have known. Hell I have known and worked with him as long as you! I mean for a man to plot all this takes...he allowed it to fester. He knew she was having an affair and...I don't care if Sarah denies it. Craig knew. He knew and he kept it hidden. They both did; from each other. Do _you_ have any dark secrets from me?"

"Are you questioning my integrity? My loyalty?"

"Your integrity is without question. And your loyalty is beyond reproach. I...Ah damn it, never mind."

"Mac this isn't about me or us. This is about Cr..."

"Just finish the damn paperwork," I finally resign in angry defeat as I turn and storm out of Stella's office, my fists tightly clenched and my mind and heart racing. Damn I should have waited. _Stella has seen you angry before, _my brain reminds me. I don't care. I had no right to yell at her; she was only trying to help. Damn I hate feeling like this! Today can't end soon enough. But after Stella left him in that interogation room, I had to step up.

_'Mac? Bonasera just finished. What the hell do you want now?'_

_'To talk.'_

_'I'm done talkin' to you. All of YOU!'_

_'Craig I've__ known you for over fifteen years, this isn't you.'_

_'I guess you really didn't know me Mac.'_

_'Cut the crap! What is this...'_

_'Do any of us really know anyone else? Much less those we are supposed to love or who tell us those words in return?'_

_'Did you and Sarah...'_

_'You know Mac what you allow your mind and heart to dwell on is what you come to love, more than life itself.'_

_'What are you saying?'_

_'I think it's time you left Mac. I am done talking.'_

_'I can help you. Don't do this.'_

_'Goodbye Mac.'_

_'Damn it!'_

I finally reach my office, mentally cursing myself with every step my body will offer. Today I confronted a friend I thought I knew; a friend I thought was...well a friend. If you have known someone for well over fifteen years, worked with them and seen them through tough times, don't you expect them to turn to you in times of personal distress? I would have assumed so, but I was proved wrong today.

_'Craig why didn't you just tell me.'_

_'Mac you wouldn't have understood.'_

_'I was married before, remember? I know the problems that...'_

_'Claire was faithful.'_

And that said it all to me. He was betrayed by the person he pledged his life to and instead of allowing himself to talk to his wife and make it work; or seek help through friendship and comfort he allowed his pride to get the best and use his jealousy and hatred to twist his mind and heart around.

"Damn it!" I curse as I angrily slam my fist onto the desk. _'Claire was faithful...'_ were the tormented words that haunt me even still. And he's right; I couldn't really understand the pain of a marital betrayal. No matter the problems Claire and I faced, we always settled them before things were allowed to fester beyond the point of no return. I never allowed things to continue with Peyton and have shied away from another permanent commitment ever since. My reasoning was the pain of loss would be too great to experience again; never giving a second thought to what an adulterous betrayal would feel like. Maybe that's why I haven't wanted to experience love again. What if someone was unfaithful to me? What if by _my actions_ I drove them away? What if it was _because of_ me? I don't want to take that chance and experience that kind of failure. I don't need love.

_Although in your heart you know your feelings for Stella are more than mere friendship, _my brain states in truth. And I must admit that over the past few months, something more than friendship has started to grow in my mind and heart. Touching her hand, sharing a coffee, sharing a meal, kissing her cheek; everything has changed and something more intimate has started to develop. Stella and I have had shared these moments and more and I do have to admit that my heart has never felt such excitement and hope. However, I do have to wonder if I'll be able to push aside my emotional doubt that is now growing and allow her to have a real in; an in into my heart, not just my mind.

But I guess after my showdown with Craig, I am now wondering if a second chance would even be worth it? Stella is an amazing woman; she could have anyone. How can I believe that she'll even want to pledge her love and heart to me for as long as we are on this earth? How could I even presume that _I_ could make her happy in the long haul? I can't and this is why I believe I am still alone.

However, just as I think I'm going to drown in emotional melancholy, I see her reflection and turn to see her just watching me with a concerned look on her beautiful face. As angry as I want to be right now, seeing her has an instant calming effect and I feel my angry tension starting to subside.

"I thought you had gone home," is all I can seem to offer her right now.

"Mac..."

"Stella you have just as long and hard a day as me; hell probably worse."

"Mac..."

"You went were the lead on this case, went head to head with Craig and..."

"Mac, making you feel better makes me feel better."

"So that's why you need to call it a day. Please...just go home and rest."

"I can't rest if I know if you are still here."

"I'll be fine."

"I know you well enough to know when you push me away and _mean it_ and times like now when that's _all you know how_ to do. But I know you don't want to be alone right now Mac. So if you are going to sit here all alone and stew about something beyond your control then I am going to be here with you. And there is no room for discussion. I am not going to allow you to shrink back inside your emotional cave; not when we've come so far."

"In what?"

"In our relationship Mac."

"Stella..."

"Talk to me Mac, tell me about Craig. You you know I did the right thing. I did what I had to."

"I...I know Stella. And you are damn fine at your job. But..."

"Mac, justice comes first you know that."

"I knew him Stella. I knew him for over fifteen years!" My angry voice bellows into the stillness of the lab.

"And you feel betrayed?"

"Pissed off."

"That's a given," she sighs as she leans back against the solid glass frame.

"If he was having such tendencies then why not seek help. Why not come to me? Why didnt he tell me about Sarah? Before he allowed this to happen?"

"Pride."

"Weak excuse."

"Mac he obviously allowed his mind to dwell on the thoughts that..."

"He should have COME TO ME FOR HELP!"

"HE DIDN'T CARE ABOUT YOU!" Stella shouts in return and I look at her in shock; her lips faintly curling upward to show me that she's not mad, just mirroring my behavior. She does that well and I instantly feel my whole body back down. "If he gave a damn about what you thought Mac, he'd have called you and confessed right away. You said you knew him; but you didn't really and I know that bothers you."

"Stella..."

"You see it as a personal failure right?"

"I..."

"I know you do. You are harder on yourself and take more personal pride in keeping your word than any man I have ever known. One of the things I admire most about you. But you didn't fail him Mac, he failed himself. He failed his wife. _He_ did Mac, not _you_. You talk about my loyalty and integrity, but those qualities in me are only strengthened because of you."

"He didn't love her or he would have known. He would have went to her and...he just would have," I grunt as I turn me back to her, allowing Stella to watch my frame tense further, my fists still clenched on my hips. I know she's right and I'm bothered by that. It is a personal failure, I know I could have helped. _Are you sure?_ My brain queries, forcing me back to reality. And the truth is no; unless Craig came to me for help, there was nothing I could do and that is what really pisses me off. He didn't care what I thought; but I did.

"Mac?"

"Damn it Stella I could have helped him!"

"He didn't want help and neither did Sarah. She only confessed to me the affair _after _Rob disappeared, not before. Neither wanted to make it work anymore."

"Why Stella?"

"Why what Mac?"

"Why the hell did this happen?" I ask, not really expecting an answer. I know it takes two to make a marriage work; I have been there. "Claire and I weren't perfect Stella, we had our fights, our issues, our problems. But even when we were so pissed off at each other that all we saw were slamming doors, we never felt the need to..." my loud voice finally drops. "To cheat. That's not me Stella, it never has been and never will be."

I'm not sure why I added the last part; maybe for her peace of mind; maybe for mine. But as soon as I said it her face softens and my heart does too.

"You are an honorable man Mac."

"I thought Craig was too. I guess I just can't understand and that also has me angry."

One of the things I love most about Stella is her determination in never giving up on me; although over the years I have given her more than her fair share to just throw up her hands, walk out that door and never look back. I know that's why in my heart, something more than mere friendship is growing. Love, respect, admiration and trust. All those were just cemented by seeing her in action today.

Stella takes a few steps closer, her delicate fingers gently resting on my shoulder and giving it a squeeze and sending small electrical signals to my brain; once again showing me that even the simplest touch sets my mind racing. "They never had true everlasting love between them Mac."

"Does anyone?"

"Well love takes work, like anything Mac, you know that, but if you love the person you are with more than life itself you'll do anything you can to ensure _their _needs come before your own. Both Craig and Sarah lost sight of that," she frowns as she slowly pulls back. "They selfishly put their own needs ahead of the one they were supposed to love; disaster was inevitable. I won't stand here and try to make excuses as to why their love dissolved; I'm just saying it had to for this to happen."

I turn around and look at her with a defeated expression. "I'm sorry for yelling."

"No you're not," Stella whispers as her hand rests on my cheek; my heart racing. "But you needed it. Besides I know you weren't angry with me."

"Never that angry. I just wish I could have stopped this before it started. Before any of us, especially you, went through all this."

"My hero. You know as much as I'd like to rip off that dress shirt right now and reveal your Superman Logo, I know it's not there," Stella remarks in a lighter tone and my face completely softens. "You are not to blame for not seeing what he didn't want to show you."

"I just...can't believe it."

"Mac, I'm sorry."

"I know I...I just need today to be over," I offer with a heavy sigh. "Just need it to be over."

A few minutes of silence pass between us, both at an emotional stalemate but neither wanting to make the first move to leave. I know that if I stay here, she will also. As much as I'd like to offer an invitation for a much needed drink, I can only see myself drowning in a bottle of whiskey and ruining a potentially amazing evening.

"Stella, it's late. You need to go home and rest and I'll see you tomorrow," I finally state in a tormented tone; not really knowing what else to say right now. I need help; I need help from her but I just don't know how to ask without sounding weak. I know Stella always tells me it's a sign of trust and strength to show someone you care about your weakness, but I just can't; not right now.

"And if I walk out that door right now, you'll still be here stressing about what you should have been able to do. Am I right? Mac I know it hurts and if it was someone I had worked with for so long..."

"Like me?"

"Don't you dare compare yourself to him; you're not that man Mac. You said it yourself; that's not you. Even after Claire died you never became that man; the man that would ease his pain by doing the same to others. Craig becamed one of the monsters he tried to put away. You are not him and never will be."

"I have you to help keep me sane."

"And that's what I'm doing right now. I'm not going to let you walk the one way road to self defeat and jump off the mental suicide bridge because you feel like you failed at something beyond your control."

"Stella..."

"Right. Your tone says it's I'm done arguing end of conversation but your mind and heart are yelling to me for help. And that is exactly what I am going to do for you right now," she nods her head firmly and I can only stand in awe. How does she do that? How is it she's able to just look into my brain and know when I need help without asking? _Because she loves you,_ my brain suggests. But before I can say another word, she takes me by the hand and starts to lead me out of my office.

"Come with me."

"Where are we going?"

"Just hush and come with me Mac," she states in soft tone.

My body just offers a heavy sigh as I follow after her in silence. With our hands still attached in such a public setting, my eyes automatically dart nervously around the nearly empty lab; but I don't pull away, I need the warmth she's offering to ease my tormented frame. She directs us toward the stairs and we finally end up in the downstairs gym.

I stand fixed in time as Stella leaves me in the middle of the empty room and heads for two items. She turns back to me with a strained smile and I finally clue in. "Now take that shirt off and put these on," she hands me a pair of punching gloves.

"Stella?" I ask, but not really in anger.

"Mac you have too much pent up anger, frustration, hatred, bitterness, whatever else inside to go home and actually find some solace in sleep. You always told me when I first started to leave all of this here at the lab and go home with a clear mind and heart if possible. Now I'm telling you the same thing."

"Shouldn't you be joining me?"

"Only one set of gloves right now."

"We can share."

"For every hit you offer, my mind will do the same."

"But..."

"Mac stop arguing and get busy. For both our sakes."

Much to her surprise I'm sure, I simply nod, no words of argument or questioning her motives for wanting to help me. I want it; I want her to help pull me back up from the emotional mire I have suddenly found myself sinking in. Peyton never had that effect and Claire wasn't around long enough to know me that well; so well that I only had to offer a slight glance with my eyes and she knows what I need; what I want. It's humbling and I know I don't tell her enough or show enough appreciation for all she does.

My fingers start to unbutton my dress shirt as I watch her head to the door and lock it before leaning on it.

"Do you want me to leave?" Stella wonders softly, her eyes searching mine for an answer that she wants.

"I never want you to leave," I reply in torment, my eyes slightly watering. I quickly swallow my gathering sorrow and look at her with a determined expression.

"Like everything else Mac, you will get past this and be a stronger and better man for it."

"I am only that because I have you at my side," I confess in truth and her face softens. Stella walks up to me with an open palm, expecting my dress shirt in return. I slowly hand her my shirt and she smiles.

"I'll be here when you are done. Whenever that is."

"Thank you," I manage in a soft whisper before I turn my back to her and set my eyes on the object before me; hatred and anger flashing in cold blue steel.

XXXXXXXX

I slowly ease myself down on to the bench, watching as Mac's firm body contorts with each muscled punch he offers the bag before him; muttering angry curses to whatever image happens to flash before his eyes just before a strong hand hits the hardened leather mass.

I can't really imagine what is going on inside his tormented conscience but I know that Mac blames himself for personal failure. I remember standing in that interrogation room going head to head with Craig Hansen, seeing the hatred and evil in his eyes and even now I feel his gaze penetrating into my soul, wanting to rip it from me. I can't blame Mac for being so pissed off, I was also. This was supposed to be a man who dedicated his life to truth, justice and well...he should have known better. _Mac, this wasn't your fault._

But it was more; when it came to work I know I can usually count on Mac bouncing back, but when it comes to anything emotional, it's taken him a few years to rebound after Peyton wrote him that awful letter and now I worry that he'll pull back from the blossoming romantic bond we have been working so hard to establish in the past few months; a new understanding that has started to grow beyond the boundaries of friendship.

It first started with an intense exchanged of unspoken eye movements right after I told Adam our little 'fling' would never happen again. When Mac looked at me then, his intense blue gaze holding mine, forcing me to realize that something was finally starting I knew I had made the right choice. But as of late; our brief hand touches in the 'Death House'; our enjoying a team outing and then sharing a cab ride home after the 'Compass Killer'; picking out a tree for the kids and then sharing a coffee; topped off by a kiss as we watched the team hand out presents at the children's benefit. All of it has further cemented in my mind that Mac and I are working toward something deeper than a platonic friendship.

But now this. Now I worry that something so personal will force Mac back inside his solitary cave and destroy all that we worked so hard to build together. _Oh Mac, tell me I'm not watching my future disappear before my eyes. _

I gently cringe as I hear Mac utter Claire's name and then Craig Hansen's, a man Mac thought he knew. _It's not your fault Mac,_ I had tried to drill into his head. But I know in order for us to really progress, Mac has to come to terms with this on his own; he has to realize he is only human and isn't to blame for the personal failings of those around him; even close friends.

I lean back against the wall and allow my body to heave a heavy sigh in Mac's behalf. My eyes are mesmerized by my partner's body working up a frustrated manly sweat as he continues to pound the leather mass before him in bitter hatred; his lips cursing with every angry hit that his energy will allow. _Are you looking with longing or sympathy? _My brain wonders. Both, I offer myself in truth.

Being a CSI for so long, profiling becomes second nature and you can pretty much peg when someone is lying within a few minutes. And I have never met anyone as perceptive to the deceptions of human nature than Mac Taylor; thats why I know in my heart how hard he will take the about face of a close friend. He'll blame himself for not being able to see it sooner and do something about to help fix it.

I watch in captive fascination as Mac's arm slams his fist into the dented leather mass before him one more time, his body finally starting to show the effects of his nearly spent adrenaline and angry frustration; his movements starting to slow. He glances sideways at me and I feel my heart start to calm; my anxiety starting to subside. _Oh Mac, we will get through this; together. I promise._

I offer him a small smile and am happy when he rewards me with a small smile in return. Sadly it's followed by a grimace as his body turns back to the punching bag one last time. A few minutes later he finally steps back, sweat drenching his hair, smooth chest and tense back; in fact his whole upper body covered with a glistening coating of sweat. With a flushed face and lightly panting, Mac looks at me with a weak expression.

"Feel better?"

"You know I do right?"

"I do," I gently reply as I slowly push myself up from my spot and head toward him, his shirt dangling from my fingers. I near him and am instantly hit with the tempting aroma of him. "You um...should shower."

"I guess I should before I head home."

"Well shower yes, home no."

"Stella I appreciate..." Mac starts only to have me gently press my thumb to his lips and his eyes close momentarily. My other hand rests on his flushed cheek as I quickly guide his mouth to mine and plant a warm kiss on his inviting lips. His mouth offers a soft moan in return but as my brain starts to drown in his scent, I pull back, knowing it's not the venue to continue anything in a physically romantic way.

"You shower and then you are coming home with me."

"Stella..."

"You need to eat Mac and I won't take no for an answer; not after today. Don't make me use drastic measures."

"Right," his lips smirk as he reaches for his dry dress shirt. "I won't be too long."

I gently touch his arm which turns him back to face me with a wondering glance. "I'll be here Mac. You take as long as you need."

"What do you think it was?"

"Was what?"

"Was the catalyst that drove Craig and Sarah apart?"

"Could have been a number of reasons," I start with a slight frown. "Maybe they didn't trust each other. Trust is the greatest expression of love Mac. When you can find someone that you trust enough to really be yourself, to want to open up and dare to pledge your life and future to then you have found true love. In my opinion."

"I...I agree," Mac replies with a warm smile before he quickly takes his leave. "Be back soon."

I watch him go and a few minutes later, I hear Mac's angry voice, nearly muffled by the hot water that is beating down upon the tiles and frown. As much as I want to force my mind to think on the case that just finished; the thought of Mac's naked body standing under the hot water, washing away all his manly sweat forces my heart to beat faster and my mind to selfishly dwell upon urges that are best kept for the intimate confines of the bedroom.

But as much as I would like for Mac to spend a romantic night after dinner; I know his mind and more importantly his heart, won't be anywhere near the sexual arena I want it to be. On a day like today, I am going to shelve my own wants and desires and show Mac that, he is the most important person in my life; he is my life, I love him. And love is sacrifice.

"Just dinner," I remind myself as I hear the water finally stop and know Mac will be back out in a matter of minutes. I nervously pace the small space around me and then finally hear the door opening and watch my beloved partner step out, freshly cleaned; tempting my hidden desires once again. _Damn it Mac, do you even know the effect you have on me?_

"All set?"

Mac walks up to me, standing before me with a shy smile. "I am sorry for all you had to face today. I didn't mean to make you..."

"It's okay Mac."

"No Stella, I heard Craig's words, saw you swallowing back the tears when you came back from talking to the mother of..."

"To be honest Mac, it was Sarah's words about _not knowing Craig at all_ that scared me the most. And then when he started to make excuses, put the blame on her....I realized he became the monster; that's what was the most worrysome about today."

"Not all me are monster's Stella," his warm hand rests on my cheek.

"I know Mac."

"Do you believe me?"

"I do."

"I think you need rest more than I do Stella. Please just go ho..."

"Mac we are still going to my place."

"Thank you but I think we both just need some rest tonight."

"But I know you are not going to go home and rest."

"Damn, sometimes it is a bit unnerving how you know me so well."

"I care about you Mac Taylor. Don't ever forget that," my loving words delight him as his face reflects a warm smile, prompting me to rest my hand on his warm cheek. I feel his body offer an exhale and start to sag and I quickly pull him into my waiting embrace and hold him close, his rapidly beating heart starting to reverberate off my own chest, my fingers teasing the back of his damp head. "Mmm you smell tempting Mac," I whisper as my lips brush his ear and I notice that instantly tiny shiver bumps form on any part of exposed skin my eyes might be privy too.

"Stella..." Mac starts in protest.

"Time to go," I state firmly, not allowing him to retreat back into quiet misery as I quickly pull back and look at him with a warm smile. "Mac as much as it pains me to stand here and have my brain force tempting images into my head, I know your mind and heart are a million miles away. So instead of going to my place for an amazing make out session, I am going to make you dinner and then you are just going to relax; under my watchful eye."

"What?"

"Would that be okay?"

"It...it would," Mac agrees with a warm smile as he leans in closer and plants a warm kiss on my cheek.

"Good."

Mac wraps his arm around my shoulders as we head for the backdoor, taking us into the cool night air. And while most people wouldn't put much heed into such a simple gesture as an arm around a shoulder, I know for Mac, especially right now, it tells me so much. I thought this case would make him want to revert back to his celibate existence but he's not afraid to get close, even after a trying day and that warms my heart in ways my mouth could never express. He looks at me, warmth flashing in those sapphire pools and my heart melts. Once again, without words he's able to penetrate into my soul, his eyes begging for help and offering thanks at the same time. I am in love; I know it, I feel it in every fiber of my being. I love Mac Taylor; more than life itself.

We get into a nearby cab and once again I am thankful that Mac doesn't put up much of a fuss when I give the cabbie my address as the sole destination for us both. I take Mac's hand in mine and listen to him talk about Craig; how they met, things they had in common and then finally a personal heated showdown and his confession of failure after I had left Craig to ponder his future as a convicted felon.

"But you know you didn't fail right Mac?" I urge as we slowly walk up to the door of my apartment.

"I guess time heals all wounds."

"Does it?"

"No...no it doesn't really, it just helps you deal with them better," he huffs as he runs a weary hand through his hair and then looks at me with a slight nervous smile. "So um..."

"Breathe Mac...just breathe."

Mac nods his head as he slowly eases off his coat and suit jacket. "So what can I help with?"

"You aren't really hungry are you?"

"Stella..."

"Mac?" I counter.

"No. Just wanted to be kind."

"Rather you'd be honest," I insist with a loving smile.

"I'm angry, pissed off, tired and hurt. I doubt I'll sleep tonight but right now I'm so emotionally drained I'm surprised I'm still standing!" Mac's tone ends with a sharp note and he instantly looks at me with an apologetic tone. "I'm not hungry. And you?"

"Pretty much the same."

"So what do we do now?"

"Just this..."

I lean in closer, not afraid of his angry stance or heated frame of mind and gently wrap my fingers around the back of his neck and guide his lips to mine, allowing me to hungrily taste them; my brain to savor his whispered moans, before pulling back and looking at him with a warm smile.

"Come here," I instruct as I take him by the hand and lead him to the couch, easing myself down and then pulling him into my waiting embrace, his head resting on my chest. "Now close your eyes and rest if you want to Mac," I soothe as my fingers start to slowly massage his damp hair.

"I know I said thank you earlier," he starts in a whispered tone. "But I just don't know if I tell you enough how much I appreciate what you do to care for me. You knew I needed this."

"I did," I tell him in truth as his face lifts and his eyes lock with mine. "And in truth I did to."

"Why? You didn't want to be alone either right?"

"See, it's also unnerving how well you know me," I offer and his face softens. "But you're right."

"Could have just told me."

"I'll remember that for next time," I smile at him. "Just rest okay?"

"How is it that you know me so well; see me at my worst and yet are not afraid to get so close?"

"I love you Mac Taylor," I finally confess, my heart rate nearing critical.

"You do?" He asks in near surprise, the corners of his mouth instantly tugging upward.

"I do," I whisper as I can feel my eyes starting to mist over. "I'll never betray you Mac. I know you are scared and worried that you'll be left, cheated on, abandoned by lies and deceit, get a letter of rejection or whatever, but that will never happen; not from me. I love you Mac, more than life itself."

"You are my life," Mac murmurs as his fingers gently clasp my chin and force my lips to connect with his; electrical shocks felt down to my feet as his lips continue to crush mine with warm passion. "I love you too Stella and I know how much you value trust and loyalty. I give you my word I will never betray that trust. I think that's why I told you earlier."

"I know."

My eyes glisten further, forcing his warm fingers to gently reach up and brush a stray tear away.

"I love you, more than life itself," he assures me in a warm tone as his expression turns serious. "I want you to believe me."

"I do Mac, I know you, remember?"

"And that doesn't scare you?"

"Knowing you that well?" I reply, forcing him to simply nod his head in return. "Not at all; if anything it draws me closer to you. There is nothing you can and will ever to do to make me change my mind. Now just rest okay?"

"Promise me something."

"Anything."

"You'll be here when I wake up?"

"Today, and every day after this one," I assure him as I taste his lips one last time for tonight. "Now close your eyes and rest; let me take care of you for once."

With one last nod of his head, Mac nestles back into my loving embrace, his arms wrapping around my waist and holding me close, my arms returning the favor by holding him tightly; not wanting to ever let go. I finally hear his breathing starting to slow and his heart rate return to normal, his eyes closed and lips slightly parted as he finally surrenders his body and mind to the tormented realm of sleep; asleep in my arms where he belongs. I know the night ahead will be strained for both, but I will ensure he's not leaving until he's had a few solid hours of sleep. It's what I can do for him right now; the rest will come in the days that follow.

And he was right, after everything I faced today, I also didn't want to be alone. He told me next time to just ask, tell him; and I intend to do just that. But I knew Mac knew Craig for longer than I and I know how hard he takes things. So to have him here, feel himself finally starting to relax forces me onto a happy plane; one I'll stay for for the rest of the night.

My fingers continue to gently massage his head as I watch over him with a loving eye. I had worried, especially after today, that he might revert under his shell of self doubt and emotional insecurity, but the fact that he so willingly gave himself to me; mind and body, allowing me to guide him down the path of self recovery instead of letting him wander alone the road of self defeat, told me more about our future than his actual words might have. The fact that he also confessed his love and pledge of trust, ensure that my heart will never belong to another man; I don't think it ever did, Mac always owned it.

And as I too finally close my eyes, hunger the last thing on my mind, my lips offer words that for his arms to tighten around my body; cementing in my mind and heart that our future, while maybe strained right now, really is safe and secure.

"I love you Mac Taylor, you are my life."

**THE END!**

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**A/N**: Well what did you think of this new eppy based one shot, the first one for the New Year? Hopefully more to come so here's to MORE SMACKED and _hope_ to see you all next time!

**PS**: Remember to stop by my forums and join in the new season episode discussion


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